Finally! I know I promised you all this song quite a while ago, and even produced a sample of the first chorus for patrons a while back. It's just the words! Too many words that all rhyme with each other! Anyway, I finally worked out the second verse in the car on the way to pick up Zoe from a Shakespeare rehearsal and here we are. And somehow it's only 2:15? 45 seconds per verse-chorus pair (third verse replaced by a sax solo)? How did that happen?
Lord of the Rings... Saruman singing to Wormtongue... pretty straightforward, if possibly a bit off-canon. I may be assuming a level of camaraderie that they failed to achieve. Meh. My song my rules.
Went with a late 70's / early 80's funk pop, Michael Jackson style with this one, especially the octave-high-double-falsetto stuff. Gives it an irreverent, whimsical feel I like as a contrast to the heaviness of the actual source material.
Oh yeah, and I'm submitting this to SpinTunes as a shadow for the challenge "Write a song about your favorite guilty pleasure." My guilty pleasure is writing shadow songs that fail to meet the challenge -- see my very first ST shadow: "Not Even Close" as a sad song about birth. Or is my guilty pleasure actually building orc armies, mmm?
Finally, subtle shoutout to my favorite brewery: Stone Brewing. If you don't already, you'll get it when you see the logo.
[Verse 1]
Hey Gríma!
Got your message on TweetBook, suggesting that we hook up, ingest of a sweet Took toke
And paint this quaintness the color of nonesuch.
Cool schema!
I been thinking of late, on the brink of my fate, Imma sink from the weight, unless I
Shake that ache that’s makin’ me work so much.
A wizard could get overwrought.
I need a good excuse for this recluse to cut loose, but
[Chorus 1]
Not tonight. I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army
To fight the men, elves, dwarves, and Dunharrow zombies.
We might just have time to order in pastrami,
All right? ‘Cause I’m building an orc, building an orc <<army>>.
[Verse 2]
Let’s do this!
Shins connected to knee bones, consecutively cloned. I reckon that we goin’ dethrone
Theoden for a shot at your own tribe
The shoe fits!
Put the “win” in Eowyn, start off with a sloe gin, move onto some dancing and sing
At the Prancing Caballo and imbibe
Some Escondido Balrog beers,
And queso, Fritos, frijoles, ceviche, carnitas.
[Chorus 2]
Here’s the sitch: I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army
In which they’ll be all geared up in dope Abercrombie
And Fitch. All the good guys gonna run home to mommy
And bitch that I’m building an orc, building an orc,
Building an orc, building an orc <<army>>.
[Verse 3]
Here’s Rohan’s smallest violin
Accompanying the choir cry of my Uruk-Hai
[Chorus 3]
Within the mud. I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army
To flood the Hornburg with my goblin tsunami
And blood. Postpone that game of hide the salami
You stud, due to building an orc, building an orc,
Building an orc, building an orc,
Building an orc, building an orc <<army>>.
