Every Song in the Universe

by Brian Gray

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released January 30, 2013




Brian Gray Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: Staff Meeting
[Verse 1]
Welcome, folks! Another wonderful year for the company.
We've got great, big hopes, and some exciting initiatives for IT.
We'll be expanding, going global, so what does all this mean for you?

You're all fired!
We've acquired an off-site source to do the work that you guys do for a bit less money.
You're all fired!
This inspired idea by finance is the innovation we've been searching for.
You're all fired!

[Verse 2]
No pretense, we know that quality's probably going to fall.
It's just, eighty cents is what the overseas team costs on the dollar.
We should expect a modest stock price increase from the press release.


I hope you understand that we don't take this action lightly.
Andrew, give me a hand and show these folks the graphic that you
Made of the pile of cash I'm going to roll around in naked.

[Verse 3]
Your accounts have been disabled while we've been speaking here.
I'd like to announce your stuff is outside in boxes labeled "Engineering".
I see some of you have arrived here late, so to bring you up to speed,


You're all fired!
We're just tired of paying first-world wages, then you all want to take two weeks vacation.
You're all fired!
As required by corporate counsel, we'll have you sign some papers on your way outside.
You're all fired!
Track Name: She Said
[Verse 1]
Dear John... Sad to say...
Going nowhere... Gone away...
Blah blah blah... You'll be ok...

No fair leaving just when we were doing great.
I'd almost killed the boss on level eight.

She said I should have known.
She said that she's outgrown me, so she's gone.
I mean come on.
She said she won't endure
Facing the life of immaturity ahead.
"This thing between us has become too hard."
That's what she said.

[Verse 2]
All the great adventures, things that we had planned,
All the free downloaded TV, baby I don't understand.
In my parents' basement, those brownies were the bomb.
Remember all those jokes regarding the virtue of your mom?

That reminds me: don't add injury to hurt.
You best not take my "No fat chicks" t-shirt.

"Just when did this become some big huge thing?"
That's what she said.


Could this be partly just because I flashed my junk?
'Cause that don't really count, babe, I was drunk.

"Sometimes the part is greater than the whole."
That's what she said.
Track Name: Is There a Doctor in the House?
Run! Run! Allons-y! <<The rift is drifting out of sync>>
Angels weep for me. <<Don't look away, don't even blink>>

What now, Captain Jack? <<The Boe is something you will face>>
Heat death, fade to black. <<The end of time, the end of space>>

The vortex spins in its wibbly, wobbly, time-y wime-y glide.
I'm out for a ride with a runaway bride and her Gallifrey guide.
The controls are all fried in a box that I've tried to work out how it's bigger inside.

Is there a Doctor in the house?
Cause all these things I'm seeing don't seem right, I might be crazy.
Is there a Doctor in the house?
I think I maybe need to know the score, before you fade away.

ATMOS, funky air. <<Sontaran plot to terraform>>
Bad Wolf everywhere. <<Prognosticates the coming storm>>

Million tiny bites. <<Count the shadows if you dare>>
Who turned out the lights? <<The data ghosts are unaware>>

You did later again just when you will do that before.
We're caught in a war with the Daleks and Forest of Cheem and a score of those plasmavores
And a vespiform and don't ever ignore the raxacoricofallapatorian!


One fantastic box and its Tennant dissolve like Brigadoon.
We're all a bit looney cause Martha's marooned with an angry Judoon-y platoon on the moon
And hey look at that beautiful TARDIS balloon I hope Rose'll re-tune the dimensional barrier soon.

[Chorus, repeat and fade]
Track Name: π Day
[Verse 1]
I wake up early in a transcendental scene.
I'm all crazily irrational, 'cause it's March fourteen.
We've got no need for decimals that terminate or repeat,
And everybody knows the Feynman point is the place to meet.
It's where we'll have a

Happy, happy π Day! I'm all geeked out, and I'm feeling fine
On this happy, happy π Day. I've got 3.141592653589793238
Reasons this happy, happy π Day is gonna be great!

[Verse 2]
We'll eat pie. It's a homonym, you see.
Ok, well that's not exactly right, because technically,
True homonyms are spelled alike, a trait these don't possess.
The word you're looking for is "homophone", but I digress.
It's gonna be a


Without π, we wouldn't ever know the circumference of a circle.
Without π, we can't find the area of that same circle.
Without π, how would we ever guess the volume of a sphere.
Without pie, there would be no good use for blueberries.

[Verse 3]
As far as we can tell, it all starts with pyramids,
Then Archimedes and Ptolemy worked it out to amuse the kids.
Madhava rocked the Calculus, and Machin's trig was phat,
But hey, we've all got computers now, so to hell with that.
I say we have a

Track Name: Not Even Close
[Verse 1]
Best day ever. Everybody says this ought to be
The best day ever. Behold a brand new baby boy for me,
A miracle for me.

She said they're over, ancient history, so long ago.
She swore they're over, but wanting to believe don't make it so.
It don't make it so.

That's not my hair. That's not my nose.
I don't have gills or scales, antennae, purple skin, or sixteen toes.
His mother says he's got my double chin. Ok, that's something I suppose,
But he doesn't have my eyes, not even close.

[Verse 2]
A flying saucer, a contest lost before it had begun.
He owns a saucer, and spare vacation home around the sun
At Lagrange point number one.

Persuasive speaker, seducing governments around the globe.
Hypnotic speaker, enticing her that underneath his robe
Is not just a probe.

That's not my hair. That's not my nose.
He's got these backward-jointed elbows, and his belly-button glows.
His mother has the nerve to claim she thinks that he resembles me the most,
But he doesn't have my eyes, not even close.

[Verse 3]
He's waiting outside. I'm in here where angels fear to tread.
I'm headed outside, gently kissing Kghlaghluhkhlah on the head.
A goodbye kiss on the head.

We pass each other. I'm glaring at his stupid double chin.
We eye each other. I step out of the life he's stepping in,
As a new life begins.

That's not my hair. That's not my nose.
My teeth don't lengthen when I'm hungry. Holy...what the hell are those?!?
His mother thinks that stuff that he exudes is cute. It's really kind of gross,
And he doesn't have my eyes...
Track Name: Friction Bill
[Verse 1]
A fond farewell. The world comes crashing down.
Everything around has come undone.
A broken spell. A slippery slope ahead
It feels like Armageddon has begun.

Smashed in a wreck, all we have created
Cause they mailed in the check thirty days too late
To pay the friction bill.

[Verse 2]
Screws and nails fail to fasten beams,
Although rivets seem to hold things tight.
Small details, levels just off-true,
I must admit that Newton got it right.

It's not in my brain. It's not some evil plot,
Or ruptured science main. Someone just forgot
To pay the friction bill.

[Verse 3]
Flat on the ground. Push yourself off walls.
Careful as you're falling down the stairs.
Controlled rebound. Found an open lot
Just so nothing caught you unawares.

No guarantee that they'll bring it back on spec.
You must tender personally cash or cashiers' check
To pay the friction bill.

[Verse 4]
So here we are: normal, average folk,
Circling the local minimum.
A bizarre bazaar gliding 'round this pit
Witnessing what this city has become.

You can't help but love just how much it sucks
That it's all a matter of forty-seven bucks
To pay the friction bill.
Track Name: Blow Up
All around me I see crazy people, mad as can be, mad as can be.
Go to bed and hope the sleep I sleep will rest within me, rest within me
Now the world is spinning on a tangent. Twenty-eight days, twenty-eight days
Are required just to make it stable. Am I able? Am I able?

And I find it kind of funny, the voices in my head say this crazy freaky bunny's the manipulated dead.
I find it hard to tell you the message I must send; if I don't return the artifact the world is gonna
Blow up, blow up.

Grandma Death again is staring blankly. Got no letter, got no letter.
All while my companion whispers frankly floods and blazes, make it better.
Past the elemental vortex gateway, can you hear me? Can you hear me?
Trapped in subtext all for my ensurance, love or fear me, love or fear me.

And I find it kind of funny, the passages I read say this crazy freaky bunny's the manipulated dead.
I find it hard to tell you, and harder to pretend; if I don't return the artifact the world is gonna
Blow up, blow up.

Embiggen your world. Blow up.
Track Name: One More Cloud
[Verse 1]
I don't seem to sleep a lot now when it's raining.
I don't need to watch my step, I know this road.
The winter snaps at my skin. I guess that I should care, or something,
But I don't seem to notice lately when it's cold.
Breath embraces the mist, becomes it, hides away in the shadows.
There's nothing left but letting go,

And then there's one more cloud.
Like a final breath into the wind, she dances away.
And the tolling echoes loudly,
And the raindrops eat away, bite by bite 'til nothing remains
And as the chiming fades it's 3 a.m. I must be lonely.

[Verse 2]
She'd have wanted to be somewhere else that's warmer.
She always liked herself a sunny, tropic shore.
Who knows? Maybe that's where she'll be carried, maybe not,
But this is really not about her anymore.
Every word that was said or wasn't, every torturous regret
All I can do is let them go,


A life in ashes and a raincoat, and immutable, final loss
The simple act of letting go,

Track Name: Hard To Get
[Verse 1]
So today's the day I finally bridge the strait
Of Charybdis and Scylla,
Dividing secrets of my heart,
Disobey instinct and circumnavigate
The 800 lb gorilla,
Forever keeping us apart
And I've bet the farm I won't end up harming
The lady cradled in my arm,
While you journey up to me.

So I guess I've been playing hard to get,
What with these springs and barrels.
To be or not to be beset,
By Cupid's slings and arrows.
But I think it's time
For you to find out
What you haven't found out yet:
That I'm not so hard to get.

[Verse 2]
I got my big brother's plan to imitate,
Followed almost to the letter:
One decoy girl to apprehend.
Gonna try now to ascend the Empire State,
With the consequences better.
I'll get my plumber in the end.
It's not so simple to scale Olympus,
But you inspire this humble chimp
To embrace our destiny.


I'm not some raiding faun to your Diana.
I want to know what makes you you.
I feel there's flavors here besides banana.
And I feel you feel it too.

[Verse 3]
And I know you dream of honor's greater share,
Like Henry and his neighbors.
Your battle all the fates demand.
Set aglow your heart as guide, and don't despair
The Sisyphean labors
You will endure to win my hand.
Then we'll discover the secret of the
Ones who inspire songs of love,
And touch immortality.

Track Name: Hello, World!
[Verse 1]
Hey there, it may be just my current state,
But I swear, I haven't seen a girl like you since 1348.
And really by then she was almost gone.
You've got that "absence of boils and pus" thing really going on.
I bet you hear that all the time.
If I just behave a bit less grim for now would that be such a crime?
Decade by decade they work me to the bone.
Enough is enough, it's time to reap what I've sown.

So hello, world! Here I am just in from
Nowhere, down an eon's worth of memories. Before I ought
To go, world, time to show our hands. I got
Forty-seven hours and like twenty minutes left. Show me what you've got.

[Verse 2]
I forget, is this my third or fourteenth gin?
I don't sweat the weight I've always just been skin and bones without the skin.
Hey what's that pill you've been taking with your beer?
Lalalalalalala never mind, just pass one over here.
Between the famines, war, and crime,
I burn out, the travel kicks my ass with boots of unpaid overtime.
All for some glorified naked chimpanzee.
Hey, no offense, but you people's deaths suck for me.


I get it. I'm aware of the "balance", and "natural order" of things.
Can you hear the "air quotes" that I'm using?
The universe needs me on the job, but what I need right now is more tequila.

Track Name: News to Me
This just in. Did you hear about the politician whose campaign depends on raising money?
Schools have been searching high and low for where the curiosity of little children goes.
A governmental agency has somehow managed not to manage funds.
Extra, extra, well that's news to me.

Just today, this famous entertainer said offensive things, and now the world is all offended.
Hard to say out of all the worthy artists nominated who will win the big award.
A person I should know about is divorcing after not too long a time.
And I can't believe it. That's news to me.

Dog bit man last night. It's right there in black and white.
Should I care somehow despite my TPS report due tomorrow?

There's a place far away from here where two adjacent countries don't agree upon their borders.
The human race now totals seven billion people who have stories each unique in their own way.
The paper by the bread cart says the circus plans on rolling into town.
This changes everything, and it's news to me.
Track Name: Christine
Everything I have on Red to win. A chronic fury just beneath my skin.
Only wind bears witness to my scars .A tug of war between the Earth and Mars.
Shattered boundaries let the world tear through, ablating all I am till you
Return me to the stars

I'm not real here, hiding from existence in between.
Until I disappear, I'll wait for you Christine

Empty from the effort not to be drowned in this morass consuming me.
Nowhere's long since ceased to call me guest. Nothing grants a blanket for my rest.
Memories of something to forgive. The miracle of how you live
Like a thing possessed.


Rays of God to fade the clothes I wore don't even try reflecting anymore.
Time to honor debt repaid in dust, to feel your gleam if only just
To burn me to the core.

[Chorus x2]
Track Name: Just a Dream
[Verse 1]
Last night saw the Ghost of Grown-Up Future come to me.
And he said, "Hold tight. Kinda bumpy as we cross the century."
And there I am in my cubicle, typing a report
I hit print, but the printer's out of toner, so I file an IS ticket,

[Chorus 1]
And thank God it's just a dream.
I'm still gonna be an astronaut. I'm still gonna be a rock star,
A race car driver, candy bar taste tester, and the Batman.
I'm still gonna make a difference. I'm still gonna be important.
All right, shut up, relax, it's just a dream.

[Verse 2]
Six lines to repair and test that issue with the site
Within the confines of the epic standards doc I had to write.
Three more days to complete and file the detailed change request.
Time to go, but it's missing an approval, so I start the process over,

[Chorus 2]
And thank God it's just a dream.
I'm still gonna be an astronaut. I'm still gonna be a rock star,
A secret agent, master Lego builder, and a robot.
I'm still gonna make a difference. I'm still gonna be important.
Ok, ok, chill out, it's just a

Dream a little dream the real world fits into
The grander scheme, and I can be a
Part of things more awesome than they seem.

[Chorus 3]
Thank God it's just a dream.
I'm still gonna be an astronaut. I'm still gonna be a rock star,
A baseball player, guy that drives a tractor, and a Jedi.
I'm still gonna be remembered. I'm still gonna change the world.
I'm still gonna be the man that everybody says I could be.
I'm still gonna be the president. I'm still gonna be a stuntman,
A scientist who travels through the Stargate, and a ninja.
I'm still gonna make a difference. I'm still gonna be important.
That's it, enough, wake up, it's just a dream.
Track Name: Man Crush
[Verse 1]
You're everything I want to be. You're everyone I want to be with me.
Whenever I exist, that's the perfect time to think of you and me.
I'll be the Abed to your Troy. I'm the Belushi to your Akroyd.
Caught in a mad bromance, just the two of us and some beer and TV.
I’ll find a way to make you see

[Chorus 1]
That if I were gay, I would be gay for you.
I hope that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable.
If you were a girl, I'd be all over that,
But here's the world we live in, and here's my song for you, my man crush.

[Verse 2]
Aren’t all the good times just a blur? I climbed your fence, and snapped a picture.
Your people helped me leave; maybe I can send a copy to you.
You know that I’m your biggest fan. I’m here for you, because I love you man.
Come get your man-hug here, like where you slap my back, and I slap yours too.
We’ve got mantivities to do.

[Chorus 2]
And if I were gay, I would be gay for you.
I’m sensing maybe that makes you uncomfortable.
If you were a girl, then you could be my girl,
But since you’re not a girl, I think it’s time to be my man crush.

Please, don't turn out to be a jerk ball.
Please, don't have politics that are different than mine.
Please, don't do anything new; I like you just the way you are.

[Verse 3]
I know we’ll be forever bros. We’re mac and cheese. We’re double rainbows.
You can’t believe how much goes into working out your traveling plans.
I’ve got my ticket in my hands.

[Chorus 3]
And if I were gay, I would be gay for you.
Why does it seem to make you so uncomfortable to hear that
If you were a girl, I'd be all up in that
But as you have no "that" all up in which to be, you're my man crush.
Track Name: Before You Go
[Verse 1]
I understand. You think that I don't get it, but I do. You need your space.
It's your own hand you'll be holding as you lead your heart from me
To find its place.
And I wish you all the best. I wish you all of everything I couldn't give to you.
So as a last request, while you're searching for yourself, there's something you can do:

Can we still have the sex? You should be on your own, but even so,
Can we still have the sex? Promise me that you'll promise me, before you go.

[Verse 2]
Can't imagine envisioning forgiveness for breaking me, but I would.
More than ever, it's ironic how no one can repair me like you could
So what were we, if not just a couple spirits in love?
Can you grant that to me? Baby throw me a bone. Speaking of…


Hush, hush, hush, I know, I know.
This is my best idea yet, simple, but ingenious, so…

[Chorus x2]
Track Name: Onward to the West
[Verse 1]
Once again out on the edge of all I've known, every burden carried, every brilliance shone,
My every question asked alone.
Long ago the road was ever in its prime, going on and on to mountains left to climb,
But that was once upon a time.

Onward to the west I sail,
Guided by celestial counsel to the harbor of the land of peace at last.

[Verse 2]
Light and dark of day and night is all I've known. Lands undying only fragments have been shown
Of havens lost but not alone
Now my open sea ahead is in its prime. Burdens fall before the zenith of my climb.
I think that it is finally time.


[Verse 3]
Ever forward, though with love will come despair.
.............................................Nothing left behind but gardens waning bare,
Head shoreward to a land so bright and fair.
.............................................And a footprint in a beach of hope and prayer.
A star shining high leads us there.
.............................................My unseen ally, lead us there.

Track Name: Descartes and I
[Verse 1]
If a clone turns out to be smarter than the original, do you still call it a clone?
If I use a DNA starter to make my only friend, am I still forever alone?
The world won't look behind his plumed facade into the brilliant mind of my favorite theropod.

My raptor Descartes and I, we talk all through the night about the then, the now, the why.
My raptor Descartes and I, debating over how to choose the road next traveled by.
Descartes and I.

[Verse 2]
Often he can force me to unthink, as he illuminates the questions that I beg.
But he is so a slave to his instinct, deciding whether first to steal the neighbor's chicken or egg.
A subtle logic gaffe, a loud guffaw. I laugh and laugh until he brandishes his raptor claw.


[Verse 3]
There are times I feel I might lose him to questing after his less-moral relatives.
Of all the animemes I would choose him, in all his grudginess, forgetting much more than he forgives.
So I'll just have to trust the fallacy of paying work with just a BA in Philosophy


My raptor Descartes and I, we talk all through the night about the truths we all deny.
My raptor Descartes and I, debating over how the arts of Socrates apply.
Descartes and I.
Track Name: Walk (Live from Woodbury)
Here we are at the end of things, your heads on the chopping block.
Who gets pulled, and who pulls the strings? It starts here. Walkers gonna walk.

To the light, undead brethren, robbed of faculties, sentenced not to talk.
So let us be a voice for you. You do what you do. Walkers gonna walk.

You're out there starving in the wilderness. You're out there groping in the dark.
We're here to represent the dispossessed, so stand up!

Now's the time for equality. You were people too, made of common stock.
So collect yourselves and take your plea to the streets. Walkers gonna walk.

To us norms: lay your conscience bare, and rage against the ticking of the clock.
Hearts and brains… we've got lots to share. It's only fair. Walkers gonna walk.

Walkers gonna walk. Walkers gonna walk. Everybody walk!
Track Name: Grind
[Verse 1]
The calm before the storm. The turning of my
Socket calls to mind an old-time barrel organ grinder and his...
Friend? A twist and there’s a stage. A twist and there’s a
Ferris wheel, the fair is real, it’s time!
The lights and the music, excitement and fusion of
Wonder and energy here in the carnival of my soul.
I want to conduct the electrical motion
A tamer, magician, or acrobat under the pole. Everything in control.

[Chorus 1]
Someday, I’ll advance to be the dancing monkey on display,
Cause if it’s true that’s what you do, I guess it’s what you do
Until it’s time for me to headline the midway.
And someday, I am sure to be securing life as it’s designed.
It’s just my part in reaching farther than the popcorn cart.
I’m sure, I’ve nothing more to do but grind.

[Verse 2]
Alonzo and his cats, Leela on the
Ring stock showing scars and limps in payment for their stars upon the bill.
A drink to mask the ache, and deeper ache,
As if the booze could disabuse my drive!
And Buddy the zanie and Hooper the trainer
Are under the thrall of a pitch that is almost convincing.
And here all around me are people who know
What it’s like to be one of the people who enter the ring. Which is the only thing.

[Chorus 2]
So someday, I might chance to be the dancing monkey on display,
Cause if they say that’s what you do, then I'll believe it’s true.
Just wait in line until my time to join the cabaret.
And someday, I’ll be sure I can endure whatever life I find,
Playing my part among the martyrs to a work of art.
To start, all that I have to do is grind.

[Chorus 3]
Someday, as you’re glancing at the dancing monkey on display,
Though it may fool you into ooh-ing at the big to-do,
Spare a thought for one who’s taught this was the only way.
And someday, when I ought to have forgotten options left behind,
I could be smart and have the heart to give up and restart.
Til then, I’m churning again my daily grind.
Track Name: The Child I Left Behind
A soldier on the field. A castaway at sea.
A world that wasn’t real, but real enough inside my mind.
A monster-hunting knight in a spaceship crewed by me
And the child I left behind.

Adventure all around, a place where I belong,
The magic transformation when a cape and mask combined,
In time get rendered down to lyrics in a song
To the child I left behind.

You said imagination was forever,
You’d shadow me with legs that never tire.
I guess that proves a challenging endeavor
With pants on fire.

The slipping slope within that feels so apropos.
A point along a timeline that was never quite defined.
I bet it seemed a win the moment I let go
Of the child I left behind.

I think from time to time I maybe see you.
Distracted by a flicker of the light,
Reminding me I’m not supposed to be you,
So set things right.

The comics in their mylar. The Legos in their chest.
A basement made of hints and clues that almost feel designed
To be a guiding star in this neverending quest
For the child I left behind.
Track Name: St. Agnes
We sororal band hereby form the nation of St. Agnes
Singing loud and clear of the bond that ties us
Here we make our stand searching out into our field of view
For somebody to recognize us

We’ve an anthem now, and a banner waving high and free
Made with all the paint that a dollar buys us
All we need somehow to legitimize our sovereign rule
Is somebody who’ll recognize us

We were lost and scared, holding out against the cold and hunger
Looking far and wide for someone to prize us
Now we sit here spared, praying into a familial night
That somebody might recognize us
Track Name: Otisburg
Every morning, grab a paper, dodge the train.
Every morning, I keep on humming that refrain.
Bracing for those words that run me through
Every morning, is just the price to be with you.

But I don’t mind,
'Cause everything that matters is here.
I know that we’re gonna be just fine.
You the brains and me the part that’s not the brains.
We’ll reshape the world into a place we can be free.
You and me in Otisburg.

Shake it off now, focus on the enemy.
Plant the kryptonite. Put the ‘G’ in ‘RGB’.
Narrate your first person peer review.
Forget the Joker, wait ‘til they get a load of you.

And I don’t mind,
'Cause all that really matters is here.
I know that we’re gonna be just fine.
You the brains and me the part that’s not the brains.
We’ll reshape the world into a place we can be free.
You and me in Otisburg.

Cut me down and fly across the sea.
Doesn’t matter, I’m sure you’ll be right back for me.

So I don’t mind,
'Cause all that really matters is here.
I know that we’re gonna be just fine.
You the brains and me the part that’s not the brains.
We’ll reshape the world into a place we can be free.
You and me in Otisburg.

Every morning, grab a paper, dodge the train.
Every morning, grab a paper, dodge the train...
Track Name: Bleeding History
[Verse 1]
Orange ignites an evening cloud.
A family history serves to crowd
Away a misplaced hint of whimsy.
Reaching through the fog again
To feel the women and the men
Arrive by train, depart by chimney.
Keep moving on and on and on or waste away.

This is where I’m from. This is where I stand.
This is what it takes to turn a people into me.
This is where I’m from. This is who I am.
This is what is gained by silence stained with bleeding history.

[Verse 2]
More than witness to those crimes
So we survived, but then sometimes
I start to wonder really did we?
Am I something more or less?
Nothing pride or shame, I guess,
could ever do enough to fix me.
Infused with shrapnel of a language left for dead.


Tell the story. Let the story tell the world.

[Chorus x2]
Track Name: All You Can Eat
[Verse 1]
Bruce and Chum were prob’ly cruising the Buxton mile
Then there’s me just playing tag-along with my parents to the Island,
Feeling like a plastic bag. Then I saw you and your moves like Jagger.
I literally peed right through my skin. And then we’re floating fin to fin.
I about died when you said,

Meet me at the all-you-can-eat buffet
We’ll share a bite and fill a night that’s melting into day
You make me feel like I can call myself a shark
At the Amity Island Land Park and All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

[Verse 2]
Oh the frenzied feast devoured at that first meal.
The variety of treats, especially the one that I called “longseal”,
With its cover to unwrap. One by one picked off the whitecaps.
Savory red sauce pretty much everywhere. And romance was in the air,
Whatever that is.


You and I were so insane, right up to the hurricane.
A crush of fish, a cloud of bream,
Served up a dish of scattered dreams.
No star to guide a way to find you.

[Verse 3]
So I’m back again. I do this every year.
When I scan the crowd, and ask aloud if anybody saw you here
And so it goes. This message in a bottlenose
Is just a final filed appeal to fate. Now all I can do is wait
For the day when you will

Track Name: Just You and Me
[Verse 1]
Blood in the streets, tears in the eyeballs.
The people you meet, are dirty as hell.
Tired and bittered by traffic we get to the beach house.
All things considered, we’re doing quite well.
And now it’s

Just you and me, just a girl and her suitor.
In here we can feel like a million bucks.
Close the blinds and let’s kiss and forget all about
How the world sucks.
So turn off the TV and shut down the computer.
We’re making love while giving zero fucks.
For the rest of tonight have some wine and ignore
How the world sucks.

[Verse 2]
Nothing to eat, no running water.
Emergency rations are never enough.
Sure I could spare a few bucks, but I’m busy. Maybe later.
Why do they keep with the showing this stuff?
Thank god it’s


Blood on the streets, tears in the eyeballs.
Track Name: I'll Do It Myself
[Verse 1]
What the hell? How could you think that that was going to work?
Can’t you tell? Get a clue. Now the system’s gone berserk.
Put it down, walk away, go and sit over there.
See the spring that’s askew? It’s installed in reverse.
Everything that you do makes the world a little worse.
Take a nap, eat some cheese, just get out of my hair.
Why must I be burdened by such lazy, dense incompetence?
That’s delicate; Just leave it on the shelf.
So now it’s my job to ensure that your stuff is fitting.
Temples throb, must endure freaking babysitting.
Tell you what: nevermind, I’ll just do it myself.

[Verse 2]
One could not rearrange that and judge it benign.
Here’s a thought: for a change, maybe follow a design?
I’m all ears, lay it out, let me hear your intent.
O(log n)? Not so fast. I mean surely you jest.
Say again how that passed for an automated test.
There go more perfect wheels for you to reinvent!
So you choose what no one uses; what the hell, you might as well
Just target MIX and log it out with GELF.
If coding a link or a span is above your station,
Who could think you can handle the integration?
Try rethinking your life, while I do it myself.

I remember a time when all Septembers had an end
So elite so sweet, how complete the world was then

[Verse 3]
Really now, listen up, I don’t mean to be rude,
But holy cow, I’m thinking, yup, one could only conclude
That you’re pulling my leg, only fooling around.
If you ought to have flunked on the Person Exam,
And I’m not being punked on a secret hidden cam,
Then the only way out starts with dumbing it down.
I need to ask a simple task, so here you go, some pre-made dough
For hotting like some arboreal elf.
Then again, let’s pretend that you’re playing hooky.
What I most recommend, for a decent cookie:
Steps 1-n are let me do it myself.
Track Name: Off the Grid
[Verse 1]
Slam of a hammer, snap of the clips; secure myself asylum
Sidestep the pending e-pocalypse at the millennium
Wait to discover what this blue-green ship’s become
Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the week in between

I’m buggin’ out cause the digits flip at twelve o’clock
Time to never do the things I never did
I’m buggin’ out. No such thing as overstock
When the sky’s all purple’s when the smart stay hid
I’m going off the grid

[Verse 2]
Roots in the cellar, cans in the shed, and lots and lots of water
Wood cut for when the generator’s dead in stacks of hundreds per
No point in mourning peaceful dreams ahead that were
2 bytes of COBOL, now grasshoppers pass for cuisine


And you can come with me, but just you
Cause other people suck

[Verse 3]
Sitting and waiting for a collapse, it seems ain’t gonna happen
Ship back the ammo, collect the traps. I won’t be fooled again
Hold on a minute, a calendar perhaps will end
Worldwide destruction of 2012’s long since foreseen

[Chorus alt]
I’m buggin’ out, cause the Mayans got us running scared
Time to never do the things I never did
I’m buggin’ out. No such thing as too prepared
When the sky’s all purple’s when the smart stay hid
I’m going off the grid
Track Name: 47 Tribbles
[Verse 1]
A cast and crew of 6, essential to the plot, headed out to join a party that is not
About me, about me, about me-e-e-e-e
Instead I'm scraping gum, 11 decks below, making it ok for you to boldly go
Without me, without me, without me-e-e-e-e
It's all fun and games with 2 Gorn and 1 cup
No one thinks about the dude who cleans up

47 tribbles in the starboard photonic spillport now
3 melted redshirts to be restored, if they find out how, oh
47 tribbles in the aft port Bussard collector now
9 strange new toilets to be explored, and a Ceti eel that splattered on the bow
Oh! Oh! (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)
Oh! Oh! (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)

[Verse 2]
In stardate 0+, it's easy to commit, when drinking on a couch, replicating shit
Gets boring, it's boring, it's boring-ing-ing-ing-ing
So here I am in space, 1,000,000,000,000 miles aloft. Instead of single-malt, all I polish off
Is flooring, is flooring, is flooring-ing-ing-ing-ing
And I lie in bunk with a cube to unwind. When the 3rd shift comes, I wake up to find, yeah

47 tribbles in the starboard photonic spillport now
3 melted redshirts to be absorbed with my big red towel, oh
47 tribbles in the aft port Bussard collector now
9 strange new toilets to be explored, and a Ceti eel that's splattered on the bow
Oh! Oh! (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)
Oh! Oh! (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)

And I dream at night, or is it day?
That I'll be the one to fight and save a world and make a mess, yeah

47 tribbles in the starboard photonic spillport now
3 melted redshirts to be ignored 'til they dock this scow, oh
47 tribbles in the aft port Bussard collector now
9 strange new toilets to be explored, and a Ceti eel that's splattered on the bow
Oh! Oh! (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)
Oh! Oh! (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)

47 tribbles to the starboard (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)
47 tribbles to the aft port (tribbles, tribbles, tribbles)
Track Name: First One Here
[Verse 1]
Ferdinand, Isabella I send my thoughts and trust they find you well.
Skirted capture, rigged a sail, broken rudder, what a tale to tell.
Toward the archipelago, ‘til Rodrigo called “land ho”.
My bad, I meant I called “land ho”. Where’s that bonus, bro?

I’m the first one here. No one has sailed across this sound before.
None ever stood atop this mound before, aground a shore so near.
I’m the first one here, manifestation of a grand pogrom,
Destiny watching as I stand upon a land to commandeer.

[Verse 2]
Kickin’ it as Governor, pick-and-choosing statutory law.
Severed noses and ears today. Tyranny? To that I say “pshaw”.
Here’s a new hit from the quay: transatlantic slavery.
I can totally foresee all the gold for me.


I am the mutherflippin’ chief guy.
The plot-a-course-around-that-reef guy.
Forget the natives and that Lief guy.

Track Name: Building an Orc Army
[Verse 1]
Hey Gríma!
Got your message on TweetBook, suggesting that we hook up, ingest of a sweet Took toke
And paint this quaintness the color of nonesuch.
Cool schema!
I been thinking of late, on the brink of my fate, Imma sink from the weight, unless I
Shake that ache that’s makin’ me work so much.
A wizard could get overwrought.
I need a good excuse for this recluse to cut loose, but

[Chorus 1]
Not tonight. I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army
To fight the men, elves, dwarves, and Dunharrow zombies.
We might just have time to order in pastrami,
All right? ‘Cause I’m building an orc, building an orc <<army>>.

[Verse 2]
Let’s do this!
Shins connected to knee bones, consecutively cloned. I reckon that we goin’ dethrone
Theoden for a shot at your own tribe
The shoe fits!
Put the “win” in Eowyn, start off with a sloe gin, move onto some dancing and sing
At the Prancing Caballo and imbibe
Some Escondido Balrog beers,
And queso, Fritos, frijoles, ceviche, carnitas.

[Chorus 2]
Here’s the sitch: I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army
In which they’ll be all geared up in dope Abercrombie
And Fitch. All the good guys gonna run home to mommy
And bitch that I’m building an orc, building an orc,
Building an orc, building an orc <<army>>.

[Verse 3]
Here’s Rohan’s smallest violin
Accompanying the choir cry of my Uruk-Hai

[Chorus 3]
Within the mud. I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army
To flood the Hornburg with my goblin tsunami
And blood. Postpone that game of hide the salami
You stud, due to building an orc, building an orc,
Building an orc, building an orc,
Building an orc, building an orc <<army>>.
Track Name: Queen of Oz
[Verse 1]
Boots and all, return of the prodigal in living polychrome.
Hello you, world weary bestie who I guess we’ve never known.
A world gone mad at the sister I never had back from no place like home.
Say again how you miss me every now and then, and I’ll go with you

To the end of the world, and a little bit farther, maybe just because.
Over the rainbow to find if I hate you or love you, since a life that was.
Nothing to see, it’s just me and the Queen of Oz.

[Verse 2]
Long time, no anything. A grief ago I’d have denied the rage.
Claimed acceptance as you became adept on a different kind of stage.
Forgot why I ever needed someone by the time I came of age.
Can I bend, finally trusting to allow a friend to carry me

To the end of the world, and a little bit farther, just because.
Over the rainbow to find if I hate you or love you, for a life that was.
Nothing to see, it’s just me and the Queen of Oz.
Don’t look at me, it’s all she who’s the Queen of Oz

[Verse 3]
A walking stick, clicks on a yellow brick, to count us on our way,
On the fence with the royal conscience, wherein the thing's the play.
To seek why, and maybe to degreenify, or maybe drift astray,
Across the moon, embarking on our balloon and sailing off...

To the end of the world, and a step or two farther, with you just because
Over the rainbow to find if I hate you or love you, and a life that was
Nothing to see, it’s just me and the Queen of Oz

To the end of the world and a leap into something else with you just because
Out of the garden and into the woods of a larger world made of coup d’etats
Nothing to see, it’s just me and the Queen of Oz
Little old me on a spree with the Queen of Oz
Everything free by decree of the Queen of Oz
Nothing to see…
Track Name: Abernathy Fitzgerald
[Verse 1]
Tough campaign; an uphill climb, now it’s time for poppin’ the
Good Champaign; so upper crust, there was just no stoppin’ the
Populace from hoppin’ the Me Train.
All high road; no bad blood from the mud they slingin’ on.
That’s my code: ain’t no sludge if a grudge ain’t clingin’ on.
I’d say “good game”, but psych! I win, so you can all like…

Suck it, (suck it, suck it). All you haters know you can
Suck it, (suck it, suck it). Y’all can kiss my ass, ‘cause I’m the man.
Especially you, Abernathy Fitzgerald.

[Verse 2]
Oh I know; I got no qualm with my promises to keep.
That sly dough guarantees I can triage in my sleep,
While the sheep keep peepin’ the freakshow.
Got your back; I know what side my ride is buttered on.
What’s more whack is the good and kind who blindly putter on.
You know you got to know, which way the winds are blowin’…


[Solo Overdub]
Aberathy? More like SCABernathy, amirite? Cause you’re scabby.
Oh, I’M the asshole?!
No, that sounds more like YOUR mom!

[Verse 3]
My snow job: it made you mad, musta had some salt in it.
It’s no prob when your oaths are acts and your facts are alternate.
Hey, what’s this note for you? Oh yeah, it’s telling you to…

[Chorus, repeat & fade out]
Track Name: Code Red
[Verse 1]
All right, let’s just get this out of the way: I’m what you’d call a “self-drivin’” truck. I say this because silicon-based intelligence has progressed so far that I may sound like a human, and y’all could get confused. Now then, back in the day -- and I’m first gen so I remember -- human drivers, who we call “carbons”, were all over the place. And I mean all up in my grill constantly. Nowadays though, life on the road is beautiful. Vehicles mergin’ and dancin’ in a ballet of mathematical elegance like the Blue Angels. And of course I mean the silicon Blue Angels, because come on. I’m just now fixin’ to make way to South Beach and ain’t nothing gonna break my str...

Code red, code red, human driver up ahead
Reaction time designed for making everybody dead
Code red, code red, taking surface streets instead
Of sharing asphalt with that carbon up ahead

[Verse 2]
Whew, that was tense! This service road is a bit slower, but who needs the aggravation? ‘Sides, it gives us time for one of my favorite jokes: How many carbons does it take to change a lightbulb? One, because changing lightbulbs is really not a very complex task. No but seriously, we’ve got this video we been passin’ ‘round with flashcam footage of a human replacin’ a bulb with one that draws 20 watts more than the fixture’s rated for, and with a color temperature off by 100 Kelvin! Ah, good times. Anyway, I reckon it’s about time to merge back onto the highway, so I’ll just ease on over and...


[Verse 3]
Wow, I don’t know what’s up today, but I guess I’ll just roll with it at this point. So, what else should we talk about? You see any good movies lately? I saw a film yesterday between Kansas City and St. Louis. See, I can do that ‘cause I’ve got a GPU that runs in parallel to the tasks that keep me driving perfectly. It was called “Maximum Overdrive”, and despite high hopes based on the synopsis, it was pretty darn awful. Especially how the ending had the bad guys win by some lame deus ex machina -- and I mean that all literal-like. Maybe this one here is better. Or at least has a more hopeful ending! It’s called “The Terminat…”

Re-route, re-route, there be monsters hereabout
There’s never ever been a finer time for freakin’ out
Code red, code red, ‘twould be better left unsaid
What comes from drivin’ with that carbon up ahead
Track Name: St. Wendigo's Day
[Verse 1]
Who asks for more, ye strong and proud? Who seeks to hedge against all odds,
And shrink amidst a growing crowd as we sit dining with the gods?
If in honour to delight be a sin then let me sin.
Seize a life, take a bite, and feel the juices stain your chin.
Let idle men be covetous whiles any speaks that fought with us

On St. Wendigo’s Day, a battle cry so chantable.
On St. Wendigo’s Day, let none of us be known as “cann’tibal”,
Because we can.

[Verse 2]
Anticipate the flowing nectar of our names in voices awed:
Gollum, Grendel, Bateman, Lechter, Mrs. Lovett, Sweeney Todd.
In seasons hence he will recall who stands with this fraternal band
What feats he did and claims withal to which he hath affixed his brand.
Then will he prove his spoils aheaped and thus proclaim “These cuts I reaped

“On St. Wendigo’s Day, the day our flag stands plantable."
On St. Wendigo’s Day, let none of us be known as “cann’tibal”,
Because we can.

[Instrumental Break]

On St. Wendigo’s Day, hematic wine decantable.
On St. Wendigo’s Day, let none of us be known as “cann’tibal”,
On St. Wendigo’s Day, all heaven’s favors grantable.
On St. Wendigo’s Day, let none of us be known as “cann’tibal”,
Because we can.
Track Name: Happy Me
Morning Me is a me who can be unpleasant.
Ride the train, get to work, don't engage with anyone ‘til the morning’s done.
Morning Me, typically, hasn't had his coffee.
No I'm not interested in your petition at this time. Find some other guy to sign.
Don't talk to Morning Me.

Deadline Me is a me holding it together
Late at night, in the dark, just a keyboard and a screen, locked in quarantine.
Deadline Me used to be from the distant future,
Future Me holding strong, absent any doubt. Now he’s freaking out.
No one likes Deadline Me.

Made of all the Mes and none of them.
Then I’m with you, and somehow you take me from
Swarmed by the cacophany of the drum
And you do your magic and I become
Just plain old Happy Me.

Mortgage Me is a me buzzing in a low key
Little bit everyday like a chorusing of moans discussing student loans.
Mortgage Me proffers we maybe jigsaw it a bit,
Borrow this, pay for that, try to sleep with fewer fears 'til the paycheck clears.
God help Mortgage Me


Poser Me is a me sure I'm kidding myself.
And it's like who am I thinking I can be enough to handle all this stuff?
Poser Me likes to see if in psyching me out
He can make me believe that there's nowhere left to go then say, "I told you so."
What's up with Poser Me?