Yeah yeah, I promised "Building an Orc Army", and even provided patrons with a sneak peek at the chorus. You'd think with a head start like that I'd have finished it by now. Yet here we are.
Failing to keep ahead of SpinTunes, I got hit with a challenge to write "a song about someone's first time experiencing something". And of course all I took away from this is "first time", without carefully reading the rest. This song meets the challenge by coincidence, because the first voyage from (southern) Europe to the new world also happened to be Columbus' first time doing so as well.
Why we have a holiday for this dude beats the hell out of me, but it's not like I go to work anyway out of spite.
lyrics
[Verse 1]
Ferdinand, Isabella I send my thoughts and trust they find you well.
Skirted capture, rigged a sail, broken rudder, what a tale to tell.
Toward the archipelago, ‘til Rodrigo called “land ho”.
My bad, I meant I called “land ho”. Where’s that bonus, bro?
[Chorus]
I’m the first one here. No one has sailed across this sound before.
None ever stood atop this mound before, aground a shore so near.
I’m the first one here, manifestation of a grand pogrom,
Destiny watching as I stand upon a land to commandeer.
[Verse 2]
Kickin’ it as Governor, pick-and-choosing statutory law.
Severed noses and ears today. Tyranny? To that I say “pshaw”.
Here’s a new hit from the quay: transatlantic slavery.
I can totally foresee all the gold for me.
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
I am the mutherflippin’ chief guy.
The plot-a-course-around-that-reef guy.
Forget the natives and that Lief guy.
[Chorus]
credits
from Every Song in the Universe,
released January 30, 2013
Music by Brian Gray, Lyrics by Brian Gray and Heather Gray
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